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You're Going to Die on May 9th
This kid named Bob was just having a normal day cutting himself with knives in hops of getting imaginary bugs out of his arm. However, a giant fucking monster just popped out of nowhere. It said "You're going to die on May 9th." After that, Bob started screaming in terror. It was May 6th right now. He grabbed a bat, and started destroying his house out of anger. He broke like everything. When his parents got home, they were like so pissed. His Dad picked him up by his eyeball, and threw him 50 feet across their front yard, and he fell off a cliff. On May 7th, Bob was still suffering from his injuries. He decided to go to a fortune teller. The fortune teller said "Why are you here?". "A giant fucking monster said that I'm going to die on May 9th." "I can help you, but you have to pay me $100." He said "I have a $200 dollar bill. Can you make change." "Oops. Did I say $100. I meant to say $200." "Did you just make that shit up?" "No. I was just thinking of a funny joke." Bob said "Actually, I have a $500 dollar bill. Can you make change?" "Oops. I meant to say that the bill is $500." "You're lying to me you fucking bitch. Fuck you." "No, I'm just a forgetful person." "I'm not paying. You're trying to scam me." Bob started walking out. Suddenly, the fortune teller pulled out a machine gun, and started firing at him. Bob ducked for cover. He picked up a quadruple barrel shotgun, and killed her. He left. On May 8th, Bob decided to go to a church, and to ask a priest for help. When he arrived there, he walked up to the priest after mass. "I need help." "Alright, give me a second. I just need to take care of something first." He went in the back room. Bob heard a loud banging sound. When the priest came out, he was covered in something red. "Sorry, I accidentally spilled some ketchup on me. Let me clean myself up." Bob decided to walk back there to find out what was going on and shit. He saw 4 dead bodies. As he turned to run, the priest saw him, and started chasing him with a knife. Bob was chased around in the church. Suddenly, he found a cross and stabbed the priest to death with it. He left. On May 9th, Bob was shivering in fear knowing that he would die. Suddenly, his house caught on fire. The fire was spreading very rapidly, and he screamed in terror. As it was about to consume his room, a firefighter came by and said "What up, bitch!" Bob ran up to him, and he helped him into the truck. As the firefighter was helping him into the thing that he used to get up there with, the fire blew his door open, and the firefighter was killed instantly as he was thrown to the back wall. Bob nearly fell off of the ladder. As he was being lowered down, he saw his parents getting burned alive in the 49,375,375,028,382,382,384,193,373,427,147,457,683th story of his house. When he was on the 3rd story, he slipped, and he fell down. He was about to fall face first on the cement. Suddenly, he learned how to fly, and he was gently lowered down. The firefighters escorted him away from the house, but it then began to collapse. Everyone started to run away. There were 9 firefighters near him. One of them was struck by falling debris and he died. Another one of them died after his head blew up for no apparent reason whatsoever. One of the firefighters suffocated to death from the smoke. Everyone else survived...including Bob!!!!!!!!!! On May 10th, Bob was happy about surviving. Suddenly, the same giant fucking monster which he encountered 4 days ago popped out of nowhere. It said "Sorry. I got the dates mixed up. You're actually going to die today in about 10 seconds." Bob screamed "Nooooooooo!!!!" as the movie camera pointed above his head started moving up with dramatic music playing in the background. Suddenly, this pasta here ended, and so did Bob's life. Another masterpiece made by: BrianBerta Category:BCP Category:Pastas Category:Troll pasta Category:Monster Category:Masterpieces by BrianBerta